i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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