Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
