There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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