This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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