just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
