ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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