I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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