god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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