My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize