It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
