Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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