Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
