If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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