just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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