You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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