I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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