I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
