My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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