apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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