didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
