eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
