doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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