i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
