he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
