Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
