the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
