forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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