you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize