New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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