I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
