can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
