Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
