Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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