I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize