Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
