Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
