Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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