I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
