your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
