shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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