Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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