that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
