Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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