What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
