His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
