I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
