Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
