When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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