im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Apparently you make a good broom.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
