nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
