Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
