I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
