idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
