Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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