Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
