Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
