THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
