Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
