I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
