Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize