hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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