I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
