I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
