i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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