i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
