There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
