If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
