All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize