Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
