I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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