the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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