she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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