I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have feelings that need drinking.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
