Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
pray to the hookup gods
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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