if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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