if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize