so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
