yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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