Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
